Monday’s Musing on the “Pat-Down”…

Hi All,

So this was basically me this weekend. Some of you may already know, but Saturday I took a little trip to the teaching credential test center to find out if my wits were a match for the credential ‘gods that be,’ and their lofty yet legal, expectations. And not only did I pay bank ($) for the privilege, but I was also treated to their full on, pre-prison ‘Pat-Down’ experience in the process!

Upon checking in to test, I was told to place my palm on the electronic monitor to scan it not once, not twice, but 8 times! Up, down, and over again. Apparently, my palm was  un-cooperative! Then came the photos; 3 sides, front, right and left, smiles definitely discouraged. Next, an escorted walk down a long narrow hallway, where another cop-like eagle-eyed guard stood watching multiple video camera angles from all sides of the unlucky slugs already inside testing. Then the grand finale, a metal detector wand passed all around. Finally, before being allowed in to take my place in the tiny computer cubicles where I’d spend the next three hours cranking out timed, impromptu essays, I was ordered to empty and turn out all my pockets and show them the inside of the back of my hoodie…(not sure what exactly they thought I’d be hiding in there.) Then, last and not least, the hands-on, physical “Pat-Down,” top to bottom, on all sides. Kind of like getting pulled over for a DUI (just sayin) or getting booked for a night in the local slammer. Jail never loomed so large!

Perhaps, this was a pre-cursor of things to come. To be frank, the thought of spending a night in jail almost seems like a more appealing option than teaching full-time. This I know from being a Sub, probably the worlds worst job ever! I’ve had kids do unspeakable, horrific, awful things! Things like jump out a second story window while my back was turned writing lessons on the board. And posting social media pics pretending to smoke rolled up joints inside my classroom, which they made out of paper, usually reserved for airplanes. I’ve been called to the carpet in the Principals office and had to “go to the mattresses” Godfather style, to defend myself against their onslaughts. And truth be told, most days that blessed 3:00 bell just couldn’t ring fast enough! So why you might ask, did I bother testing at all?

Honestly, I can’t really say.  But after finishing up my MFA last year it’s been all job hunting, writing, (write, submit, rinse, respeat,) both of which have been a steady, slow grind getting off the ground. But in the meantime, a girl’s gotta keep the lights on!

The test itself was difficult too. Not I imagine, like a doctor’s medical boards or a law-student’s LSAT. But questions specifically tailored and just crafty enough to easily crap-out on if you don’t give them exactly what they want to hear, exactly how they want to hear it. So, we’ll see. Not too sure I even want to pass! If I do, it’s back to the bottom of the ant-hill school-wise, looking up at yet another whole semester of student-teaching this fall to freak out on! But if not, I guess it just means, more time to write! More crime fiction shorts, finish that novel, and get my stuff out there! As if that’s a bad thing!

Don’t know about you, but the latter sure sounds like more fun!

Keep u posted…Oh, and I’ve got a crime fiction flash piece that was just accepted by a major online mag., so I’m psyched on that score. Let u all know when it’s up. Progress rides in on small waves!

Ciao for Now!

Lisa

 

 

 

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